Finding Tommy’s Church: Embracing Autism in the Body of Christ
Written By: Reverend Kenneth McDonald
His name is Tommy, and he is a child of God with autism. He is nonspeaking, but is learning a few words, which are causing his parents to experience great joy. His brother, Jordan, who is fourteen, is ten years older than his brother and takes his role as a big brother seriously.
Recently, the family went to a church worship service at a local independent church. They sat in the back row near the exit in case a quick departure would be necessary. The family was asked to leave because Tommy was stimming during the loud music and the clapping. His stimming continued during the prayer that followed the singing. The Lead Usher asked the family to calm him down. Jordan defended his brother’s conduct, but the Head Usher was insistent that the whole family must remain quiet or leave before the sermon so that the congregation could hear their preacher. After five more minutes of stimming, the usher escorted the stunned family to the exit and asked them not to return until they could control Tommy’s outburst.
The family drove home shocked and saddened by the response of the Ushers to Tommy. They thought that everyone was welcomed in church. That was the message Tommy and Jordan’s grandfather had given to them before retiring from the ministry after forty years of service. In fact, when Tommy was baptized as an infant by his grandfather, there was a great celebration in the church; the boys always felt they were welcomed at the church where their grandfather had served as the Senior Pastor. Maybe the welcome was because they were Pastor’s grandsons, and no one was going to say anything to them because of that fact. Perhaps, the congregation would feel the same about them after their grandfather retired.
Jordan believed the church grandpa faithfully served for the past ten years before his retirement would welcome them. The family decided to attend the early service to see if the people would receive them with the grace their Grandfather had instructed the congregation to do for all visitors. The church folks remembered the family and were happy to see them again. Mom and Dad decided to sit at the tables in the back, which afforded them more floor space for Tommy to move around. Everything was going well until it was time for the Preacher to speak. He looked at them and suggested they take Tommy to the nursery area. No reason was given for such a statement, but it was obvious Tommy was being perceived as a nuisance.
Beth, Tommy’s mother, was hurt by the comments. Jordan picked up on his mother’s pain and spoke up, saying to the Pastor, “Grandpa would never have asked us to take Tommy to the nursery.” The Pastor was surprised to get such a response from a fourteen-year-old. Beth and John, Tommy’s parents, were rushing towards the exit. Jordan said one more thing to the Pastor before leaving. “Is this what Jesus would have said to us?” Before the Pastor could answer, the family had departed from the church building. Jordan had left the Pastor, and those who initially welcomed their grandfather’s grandchildren, with something to think about.
The family cried softly as they returned home. Their experience at Grandpa’s former church was not what they were expecting. They knew the people sitting in the room. They had worshipped there before when their Grandpa served the church. Tommy had expressed himself in the past, and the congregation didn’t fuss about him being there. Now that Grandpa was gone, perhaps, the people felt free to let the new Pastor decide for them. No one reached out to them to apologize for the Pastor’s suggestion.
Jordan called his Grandpa to inform him about what had happened earlier that morning at the church. His Grandfather apologized for the people and reminded him that was not how Tommy would be received by Jesus. Jordan asked, “Grandpa is there a church we can attend where Jesus is present?” His grandfather quietly shed a tear and suggested the family keep trying different churches. He then reminded Jordan that God loves Tommy just as he is and so should the church. Jordan thanked his Grandpa and told him he loved him, too.
After the phone conversation with his Grandpa, Jordan shared with his mom that they should keep looking for a church that would accept them. Beth knows her dad wants them to go to church, but the rejection she and the family were feeling was very painful. Her father had taught her as a little girl the stories of Jesus. She would not give up hope. Surely there would be a church that would welcome her family as Jesus would. Jesus, her dad taught, had invited the children and the infants to come to him. Her father had taught her Jesus' words when she was a child herself. She remembered the story from Luke’s Gospel and shared it anew with Jordan. She quoted the Scripture. “ 15 Now they were bringing even infants to him that he might touch them. And when the disciples saw it, they rebuked them. 16 But Jesus called them to him, saying, “Let the children come to me, and do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of God. 17 Truly, I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God like a child shall not enter it.”
Jack, the father of Tommy and Jordan, had lost all hope that the family would ever be welcomed in a church. He didn’t even want to try going to church ever again. The pedophilia of the clergy had driven him out of the largest church, Roman Catholic, into his wife's Protestant church. Initially, he enjoyed the more informal worship services and the rejection of papal supremacy, seeing Christ as the sole head of the Church. He rejected the idea of praying to the saints and believed in praying directly to God through Christ. He felt more relaxed in the Protestant church. However, the refusal to include his autistic son in the worship was quite disturbing and distressing to him. It was becoming apparent that these churches were not as inclusive as they professed to be.
Jordan listened to his Grandpa’s encouragement to keep searching for a church which would welcome Tommy. Several Sundays later, he approached his dad and suggested they try a newer church where a lot of his peers from school were attending. Jack was reluctant to agree without speaking to Beth about it. Jordan understood and prayed that his mom would agree to try a new church. Beth agreed that the next Sunday the family would attend the church Jordan’s peers had recommended.
On Sunday, Jack pulled their SUV into the new church's parking lot. There were greeters out in the parking lot to welcome them. A host family met them in the lobby and gave a quick tour of the first floor of the facility, pointing out the restrooms and the coffee and doughnut counter. Both families sat together throughout the worship service. Tommy only had a short time of stimming during the singing. Beth gave him two tootsie pops during the long sermon. The host family welcomed them back to next week’s service. Beth and Jack were glad to have agreed to Jordan’s suggestion to try this new church. Tommy had a major blowout in his pull-up when returning home. Beth was thankful Tommy decided to wait until he got home before having a bowel movement.
The following Sunday Jack and his family arrived at the new church for the early worship service. The reception in the parking lot was the same friendliness and welcome. However, the host family was unable to attend due to an illness in the family. An older woman approached them and invited them to sit with her. Tommy immediately started to stim. It was loud, and many of the people began staring and shaking their heads. Within fifteen minutes, the Praise Band Leader asked the family to go out into the lobby for some doughnuts and beverages. Beth could sense the tension in the room building. The Preacher began his sermon by talking about how important it was for everyone to hear his message. The judgmental gaze quickly intensified. A young man in his twenties got up from his seat and went over to Beth and Jack and whispered that their son was upsetting everyone. He recommended they go to the playroom.
Beth had had enough with the churches and their treatment of her autistic son. She stood and in a bold Spirit-filled voice reminded the Pastor and the congregation of how Jesus own disciples rebuked the parents for bringing their children to Jesus, thinking the children were unimportant and should not waste His time. Jesus, seeing this, became indignant and instructed His disciples to allow the children to come, saying, “Let the little children come to me; do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these.” She then looked around and saw Jack leading Jordan and Tommy out the door. The Pastor and congregation were silent as Beth hurried out the door crying. Someone threw Tommy’s backpack at Beth as she was leaving.
The experience was not good. Again, the message from the church was loud and clear. This was the third time the family experienced rejection from the body of Christ. The churches they attended were not inclusive of all persons, but rather very exclusive towards Tommy. Autistic children were not accepted in these three churches as part of the body. The only way Tommy would be accepted is if he sat quietly. A task that was virtually impossible for him. Autism is neurological, not a lack of discipline. The entire family was hurt and mad at the way they had been treated because of Tommy’s neurological condition.
The Pastor from the church called Beth on the phone on Monday and recommended they try another church, because his church did not have any accommodations for autistic children. She wanted to start preaching to him, but figured her short message on Sunday had made the point. She said to him, ”We will not be back until the church creates a sensory-friendly space. Goodbye.” Tommy came over to her and hugged her. She cried for a moment before fixing his lunch.
Beth told Jack about the call, and he responded, “Three strikes and the churches are out. I am done with church. Where is the love, care, and acceptance of the people who represent Christ?” Beth was quiet, knowing that her husband had hit the nail on the head. Jack wasn’t giving up on God, but was not happy about how his family had been treated, especially Tommy. He wondered if the churches were even thinking about emulating Christ-like behavior. He decided that his family should not be subjected to such meanness and rejection anymore.
Jordan was confused by the three churches' refusal to show any tolerance and grace toward his brother. Yes, Tommy could get a bit loud at times, but so could other people shouting out words like Amen, praise the Lord, hallelujah, etc. He thought it was important to let his grandpa know what had happened, so he gave him a call.
Grandpa listened to Jordan explain how Tommy had disturbed the three churches, leading to the family being asked to leave the worship space. They were judging Tommy instead of trying to understand him. Children with autism are not disruptions. They are part of the church. Grandpa assured Jordan of Jesus' love for Tommy and for all of them. He then promised to visit.
Grandpa enjoyed seeing his only daughter and her family. Ever since his wife of 50 years died, time spent with his daughter and her family was precious to him. After a delicious supper, the family all gathered in the family room to listen to what Grandpa had to say. He shared with them how Jesus ministry was for all people, including the children. Everyone was precious to God. He told them that when Jesus instructed his disciples to let the little children come to him, he was showing how important children are to God. Grandpa explained that the act of physically embracing and blessing the children symbolizes God’s love, care, and acceptance.
Grandpa then asked his daughter Beth to lead the family in singing a childhood favorite that has been updated. Beth and the family sang:
“Jesus loves the little children, all the children of the world. Every color, shape, and size, they are precious in his eyes. Jesus loves the little children of the world. Jesus died for all the children, all the children of the world. Every color, shape, and size, they are precious in his eyes. Jesus died for all the children of the world. Jesus rose for all the children, all the children of the world; every color, shape, and size, they are precious in his eyes. Jesus loves the little children of the world. Jesus lives for all the children, all the children of the world. Every color, shape, and size, they are precious in his eyes. Jesus loves the little children of the world.”
Grandpa closed by reminding them that Jesus action of welcoming and blessing the children affirmed their inherent value, worth, and dignity. They should expect churches to treat Tommy in the same way. Jack spoke up, saying we have not experienced such affirmation of Tommy in the three churches we attended. Grandpa noted how sad it was not to be treated in a way that Jesus treated the children. He then felt the Holy Spirit move him to say to his beloved daughter, “How about starting a home church for families with autistic children?” Grandpa then offered a prayer.
Beth didn’t say anything. Jack and her sons looked at her, waiting for her to respond to her father’s idea. As her father prayed, Beth felt a presence surging through her body. It was the Holy Spirit calling her to make her father’s idea into a reality. She felt spiritually energized. She thought this was what John Wesley must have felt on May 24, 1738, during a religious meeting at Aldersgate Street in London. He wrote, “I felt my heart strangely warmed. I felt I did trust in Christ, Christ alone for salvation…” Beth felt the Holy Spirit’s presence in the family room. It was a strangely warming moment, not for an assurance of salvation like Wesley’s moment, but similar in that it was an assurance that God was present and calling her to a special ministry. The presence of the Holy Spirit warmed her heart, and she trusted the call.
With joyful tears streaming down her face, Beth announced to her family that she had felt the presence of the Holy Spirit. She informed them that God was calling her to start a special ministry for autistic families. Her father knew God had touched his daughter’s heart. He smiled and shouted, “Praise the Lord for calling my daughter to serve.” Jack was awestruck. He said to Beth, “I will support what the Lord is calling you to do.” Jordan offered his support, too. Tommy began spinning fast on his spinning wheel. Beth now spoke freely to her family about what she experienced and how God was going to use her as an instrument of his grace to the autistic community.
After days of prayer, Beth contacted three friends who had autistic children. These mothers had similar experiences as Beth’s family had in churches. Beth invited them over to her house for a discussion about a new ministry for their families. The women all agreed that at the heart of their faith is the unshakable truth that every human being is made in God’s image. Genesis 1:27 NRSV says, “So God created humankind in his image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them.” After studying this Scripture, they came to a consensus that the “image of God” (in Latin, imago Dei) means that every person reflects something of the divine. This includes children with autism.
The women agreed to continue to have a weekly Bible study time. They pledged to search and understand what God’s Word was saying about their autistic children and their place in God’s family and His church. Their goal was not to start a new church but to find a church that was willing to listen to them about their needs and concerns. They hope that churches will be places of understanding, not isolation.
Months later, Beth was invited by her father to be the guest speaker to a clergy group representing various denominations in the County. Her father was still the Chairperson for this clergy consortium. It was his last meeting before stepping down. He was given the freedom to invite a speaker, so he asked Beth to do the honor.
There were about fifty clergy present. The core of her speech reminded the clergy that Jesus welcomed people others ignored, including the disabled, marginalized and powerless. Jesus welcomed all of the children. Every child was made in the image of God, and for Jesus every child holds sacred value. Jesus said, “The kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these” (Matthew 19:14).
Beth pointed out that Scripture often compares believers to children (e.g., Luke 10:21; Galatians 4:19; 1 John 4:4). In fact, Jesus told those following Him, “Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.” (Matthew 18:3-4). She then emphasized that those who come to Christ must do so in childlike humility, faith, and simplicity. She added that children come to Jesus with excitement and that the church must not dampen or get in the way of any autistic child and their family who want to worship Him. When we welcome those who move, vocalize, or process differently, we don’t lose reverence. We gain a richer dynamic of worship.
Beth concluded her speech by quoting the Apostle Paul in I Corinthians 12 where he depicted the church as a body. Paul emphasized that every part of the body is necessary. When churches view autistic children as a disruption rather than a reflection of God’s image, they are not only excluding families, but lessening the fullness of Christ’s body. Everyone in the church matters to God, who knows and loves them as his own children. Inclusion is what autistic children and their families need and expect from Christ’s body. She then said, “Please, for the sake of Christ and all of his children, make it happen. Thank you.”
The clergy applauded Beth for her speech and passion for the rights of the autistic children and their families. The message Beth gave resonated with one clergy person who has an autistic brother. He called Beth about learning more about how the church he was serving could better serve the autistic community. She invited him and the church’s Board to her home to meet with Beth’s three friends to discuss the possibilities.
Although Beth did not start a home church for autistic families, she did something more powerful. With the help of the Holy Spirit, she began to make a difference in the churches in the County. Changes began to take place in a few of the churches. Eventually, Beth and her family settled into a church that welcomed them with open hearts. It’s a church where every person holds sacred value and is welcome to worship Jesus and grow in his grace and love. Jordan likes to affectionately refer to it as Tommy’s church.
